Related Letters 1907.12.30 - Sears to Baring-Gould

# Letter >Kien-Yang >Fuh-Kien >Dec 30 1907 >Rev. B. Baring-Gould, >Dear Sir, >I have sent through Rev. Ll. Lloyd my formal resignation to C.M.S. >May I now give you my reasons for this step. God has been dealing with me very solemnly during this month about Baptism; and He has led me to see very clearly from His Word, that I have never obeyed our Lord's Command contained in St. Mark XVI 16v. "He that believeth and is baptized, and also Acts II. 38 "Repent and be baptized." >I have therefore come to the conclusion that; as soon as ever He opened the way for me to do so, I shall be publicly baptized by immersion, so that I may be "buried with Him through baptism into death " that I may "become united with Him by the likeness of His death." (Rom. VI. 4. 5 R.V.) >As He has led me to this conclusion I cannot conscientiously teach Baptism or Confirmation according to the Church of England Service any longer. I must teach what I believe the Bible says that all Christians must be baptized by immersion after believing in Jesus. - Who, Himself was baptized by John in Jordan - and said "This it becometh us" to fulfil all righteousness. (St. Mat. III. 15.) The act of our Lord Jesus Christ Himself being baptized was the first thing that brought light to me. He has left us "an example that we should follow His steps": Therefore, although leaving the work in Kien-Yang is such a great [...]ench - yet I feel that where God calls I must follow - leaving all the future to Him. >Will you bear with me if I tell you something of the way in which God has led - so that you may know that I do not hurriedly or lightly take such a solemn step. >For years I have been troubled about the want of Holy Ghost power in my life - the failure in my own life. & the inability to lead the converts into a life of victory over sin. >Four years ago, we in this station, and many others in Fuh-Kien, united in the prayer that God would send the Holy Spirit upon us in all His fulness - so that we might be enabled to win many precious souls for Him, and prepare the way for the Return of our Master. (which we feel is drawing so near.). We pleaded with Him that He would reveal the hinderances - why it was that the Blessed Holy Spirit could not come in all His power & fulness. >God has graciously answered our prayers as we were able to bear revealing many through & but - still the Spirit has not come in power. > >At Kuliang Convention last summer God spoke to many of us. One message given by Mr. Webster broke many of us down. He said that "the Chinese know no God but the God of the missionaries" and he also said that every time we failed in our daily life we "were dragging God's Holy name in the dust." Oh the misery caused by the knowledge that we had indeed done so - by many little things - things which were certainly not Christlike, and proved that "self" was still very much alive. Then Mr. Sloan gave a message about "overcoming" which still further convicted us. >I, for one, came back to my work resolved that at all costs I must have God's best! must have the Holy Spirit's power, so that I could live Christ,& win these souls for Him. >Since then God has certainly been nearer to me that ever in my life before; but at times there has been failure still - and the poor Christians in Kien-Yang have been growing colder & colder; while I seemed absoutely unable to help them - the devil seemed to be getting the victory and dragging them away from God! >About a month ago, God brought to light heavy sin amongst the Christians; but they are hard and unrepentant, unwilling to confess. >God shut Miss Molloy and myself up to prayer for days about this He seemed decidedly to present our doing anything else but pray - and He also showed us that we were not able to keep these poor people (as He intended us to do when He sent us here) because we had not His Holy Spirit's power. >We pleaded with Him that at all costs He would deal with us - remove the hinderances and fulful [sic] to us these wonderful words in 1 John I. 7 and Galatians II. 20 so that we might be able to lead souls into full salvation. For days I was in darkness, [but?] at last the light came; and He revealed to me that I had not obeyed His very first command therefore how could I expect Him to give me His Hoy Spirit in power. >So, as I have said, I am resolved to take this step as soon as ever He shall enable me to do so. I have read the book by Rev. [...]. Wilkinson on "Baptism" during these days but it has rather confirmed me in the opposite opinion to his. For years I have had doubts on the subject - but have been unwilling to go into it with God - have been content to take other people's opinions instead of making it a subject of prayerful study. >Since coming to China I have been still more troubled as I have seen how our converts are not helped as they ought to be by their Baptism; and I have wondered very much why adults after being baptized should need to be confirmed; but I have tried to quieten [sic] my conscience with arguments that I now see I cannot prove from the Word of God - and I dare not do this any longer. >I now await your instructions as to what is to be done about the station. Of course I do not with to leave this place that has grown so very dear to my heart - but I must be free to teach all what God showed me in His Word, and that only[,?] whatever the consequences may be: [sic] And I am also very troubled about the changes in the financial policy of the C. M. S. of late. Also I do not feel that I an ever conscientiously accept the new Regulations regarding "Status of Missionaries" even if greatly modified - as I feel that they are not according to the Spirit of Christ. >I do heartily thank God for all the benefit that I have derived from my connection with the C. M. S. during the last nine years; also for the great helps & kindness which I have always received from the Rev. H. S. and Mrs. Phillips throughout that long time. >I feel very much having to leave just now when there is no one here to take over the work. But, as I have already said, I must obey God at all costs. >I remain, >yours in His service >M. Hellen Sears